Well, I will admit, things have been easier this week than in the last few weeks. I have been so busy at work that I have hardly had time to breathe. My wife and kids have been so gracious as I have worked longer hours away from home.
I wanted to address my prayer, scripture study, and fasting. I think there has been enough scripture study, but I have realized more than once that I could be praying more often. And fasting… I decided to fast the other day, but by the time I left the house, I had lunch in hand, and by the time I got to work, my lunch was already eaten.
I’m not sure what it was. I felt my mind wasn’t disciplined enough, or it wasn’t in the right place. I realized work was going to be hard that day, and I didn’t want to suffer through it. I felt kind of bad that I could not go through with it. In other words, that didn’t go so well.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about my temple worship. I haven’t been in a month. I would like to go more often, but I realize I haven’t been prioritizing my temple worship. I’ve been wanting to just show up. I’ve been unwilling to schedule a day and time and commit to it. As I’m thinking about this, I’m realizing I’m not prioritizing it. I’m allowing my daily life to dictate whether I have time for it. If I have a window of time, I don’t go because I’m unsure I’ll be able to do anything in a timely manner, since all of their time slots are always full.
I could do much better.
Well, I’m not saying “eat, drink, and be merry.” I’m just saying, I’m grateful to still be alive and have another day in which I can improve. I don’t feel like I’ve taken one step back, but I do feel I can continue to take steps forward.
While I was writing this last line, I started to think about how some people beat themselves up over a quest for perfection. It is hard to live the gospel of Jesus Christ perfectly. Only one person has done that. I’m not beating myself up over my shortcomings. I’m not asking myself to do anything I see as unreasonable. I know and understand I will never attain perfection in this life. I need the atonement of Jesus Christ to do that. But I have power within myself to live His gospel the best I can. It takes a consciousness of my efforts to do so. And I can do better.