Boy, that last post Truth & Perspective was a winner. As I was reading it one last time before posting it, I was a bit embarrassed because I was expressing too many emotions. Here comes the stereotype. Girls are supposed to be the emotional ones, ha ha ha. Not men. Men shouldn’t lay their feelings out like that.
What is the purpose of this blog? I would say, it is for me to document myself learning to repent and draw closer to God. Step by step progressing towards becoming worthy to enter Zion. There are going to be good days and bad days. Honestly, last night was worse than the day before. I feel as though I was run over by a truck. I couldn’t sleep. Half the family is sick. Everything hurts. My family has been beaten to death by life.
I feel living the gospel of Jesus Christ is so important that I’m willing to talk about what I feel and experience openly. What are some of the challenges I must overcome? I’ve not expressed them all for they are many. And there is always that one, I don’t want anyone to know. What do I do to feel the Holy Ghost? How does it feel? When do I need it? How do I seek it? All of those things. I may look like a buffoon doing so, but that is fine.
I have never claimed to be perfect, and I’m even far more imperfect than the world knows. I am 100% confident I will be struggling just to survive and make the “right” choice until the day I die. But, as I see it at this point in my life, it is the only path I have to take. There is no other path. There is no other path that feels right or logically appears right. I feel as though I can discern what is right and what is true. That doesn’t mean I always find myself on their side. But, I’m fighting daily to stay on that path.
There is a potion of me that wishes I was like a brick wall, a fortress of truth. Like Captain Moroni! [Alma 48:17] But, I also realize there are drawbacks to that. Sometimes you can be so firm in your rigid morality that you have a hard time being compassionate, you can’t feel the gospel, or you can’t follow the spirit of the law. Either way, I am no Captain Moroni. I’m more like the version of Nephi who cried “O wretched man that I am!” [2 Nephi 4:17]
I have a feeling this world isn’t going to get any easier.