That was the theme of yesterday, One Step Forward, Two Steps Back. I started the day fasting. I was super hungry, but it was going well. At maybe 10 or 11 AM I was visiting with our HR manager when my boss walked in and offered me some almonds. We were in the middle of discussing firing someone so my mind was engaged elsewhere. While sticking out my hand, I said, “Sure.” A few minutes later sitting at my desk, while swallowing my last almond, I realized I had just eaten in the middle of my fast. I wasn’t very pleased with myself.
That was the first time I blew it. Here is number two.
I wish that I was a better example at times. I currently work in a room with 6 other people. Two are past members of the Church. They both grew up in the Church and fell away. One is married to a past member of the Church. Three, I don’t think have ever been a member of the Church. I would say they each know very little about the church. So, I have an opportunity to be a good example.
A few hours later breaking my fast, I was sitting at my desk and the guys around me made a joke. They weren’t saying anything bad. They were talking about feet and how if their feet looked good, they could sell photos on Only Fans. I entered the conversation saying I had never even seen the website Only Fans. They said, Michael, you don’t want to go to that website, it can go from G to X pretty quickly. I explained that I had seen a Reel on Facebook recently where a guy was secretly snapping photos of his wife’s feet while saying he could make money. At the time, I was scratching my head wondering why that was funny. Now I know.
I didn’t intend to do it, it just kind of rolled off my tongue. I have a family member who decided to walk a different path in life. They own what they do with a badge of honor. But honestly, what they have chosen to do in life is not normal. I mentioned that I have a family member with an Only Fans page. And the conversation deteriorated from there. After talking about them briefly, I wanted to kick myself in the but.
Holy cow, do I have no restraint? Like none at all? How about keeping some things private? I just aired dirty laundry about my family to my co-workers (and now here). How about, not engaging in these types of discussions? How about being a better example? Afterward, I realized that if I ever wanted to make a difference in one of my co-worker’s lives, I wasn’t doing a good job. If I ever wanted to share the gospel with them, I wasn’t doing a good job. They are going to remember me as the guy who occasionally surprised them with shock-and-awe statements and I have a family member on Only Fans.
I can be a better example than that. Yesterday was one step forward and two steps back.
Why do I talk about this? Mostly to show that none of us are perfect. But also to see if I can change. There is a character flaw in there I want to change, but it takes recognizing it as a flaw and something that needs to be changed.