I feel as though my life has been full of interesting moments. One of those was going through the adoption process. I can honestly say, I never thought adopting would be my path in life. But, I have adopted two children. To say it has been easy would be wrong. The path was hard.
I was scrolling through Facebook images looking for an old photo. I saw photo after photo of my children, including my two adopted sons. It made my heart full to see so many precious moments I have had with those boys over the years. We received both boys through Utah State Foster Care when they were both infants. We had each of them for 6 months to a year before adopting them.
As I was scrolling through the images I saw a photo of a baby in a crib in a hospital. It reminded me of one of my sons. Honestly, it looks like him. I could have taken this photo. But, I’m not 100% sure. Either way, it reminded me of when we first received Robbie my second son and number three child. He was still an infant when he experienced a medical condition. This condition required him to stay in the hospital for a few nights. I think I took this photo while I was sitting with him that evening.
This is going to come out a little honest.
When we adopted our first son, it was as though the stars in heaven aligned. It was as though the heavens opened and angels delivered that child to our home wrapped with a bow directly from God. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I had always heard the stories of adoption being magical, spiritual, and even made in heaven. It was mind-blowingly amazing.
Then came this this child. It was the complete opposite. It did not have the same magic. I didn’t have this witness that this child was our destiny. In fact, I wasn’t sure I felt anything. I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to adopt him. Nicole wanted to adopt him more than anything in this world. But me, I didn’t know.
After he got sick, Nicole asked me if I would stay with him overnight in the hospital. If I remember right, I was a bit reluctant. I figured if he wasn’t going to be our son or if we were not going to adopt him, I didn’t see why that was necessary. She talked me into doing it anyhow. I remember sitting there watching him sleep. I remember holding his hand while he slept. I even remember thinking this whole adoption thing over.
We struggled to have kids. It was an emotional roller coaster. I remember giving Nicole a blessing one night. In that blessing, I felt we were going to have two kids, but then I had this feeling we would have the choice to have three if we desired. Those thoughts were floating through my head as I contemplated adopting this child. I remember many of the emotions I went through. Though I don’t remember the exact moment I decided to adopt him.
I do remember at one point thinking. OK, I’ll adopt you and I will love you and teach you as I would my own biological child. And I did this, with faith that I was making the right decision. After all, this was a choice rather than that “perfect match” made in heaven. We have had many lovely moments watching Robbie grow up. He hasn’t been perfect, nor have any of our other children. But he is so full of love and happiness. He loves to have fun, tell jokes, play games, tease, and hug. He is the most loving and compassionate out of all my children.
For me, there were two parts to this adoption. One, it was an act of faith that I was doing the right thing. Two, I was making the choice to be his father. I was committing to love him and raise him as my son. I was choosing to do both of these things whether there was a burning revelation or not. I had room to love him and I chose to do so.
When he turned eight years old he was baptized and received the Holy Ghost. I don’t remember a lot about the events of that day. I’m sure it was a lovely service. I vaguely remember we had family and friends who attended to support him and our family. There is only one really clear memory I have from that day.
I laid my hands upon his head and gave him the Holy Ghost, then proceeded to pronounce a priesthood blessing upon him. As I did so, I was filled with the most glorious and overwhelming feeling. It washed over me like a tidal wave. I had made a choice 7 years earlier to be his father and I did it as a choice, as an act of faith that I was doing the right thing. I did it without being acted upon. Now, all of a sudden, like a flood this feeling washed over me and the Holy Ghost testified that he was my child and he was supposed to be a part of our family. This was so unexpected.
Anyhow, those are the thoughts that came to me when I saw that photo this morning. I’ve attached it as the cover photo.
Robbie, your dad loves you. (Yes, I do love all my children)