Our Easter Sacrament Meeting Service was excellent. We had amazing music along with a few talks, but one talk really stood out.
I remember getting ready for church today and not really feeling it. Sounds like a repeat of Christmas. I wasn’t really feeling Christmas either.
My body has been hurting a lot. I had taken some ibuprofen first thing in the morning. Lately, I have needed that because I have been waking up with my hip hurting quite a bit. I wanted to be able to go to church and not hobble around like I’m crippled. I get so uncomfortable sitting in the pews. They are hard to sit on for an hour, let alone two. So, I thought I would take some Excedrin before heading out the door. I remember thinking before I left that it was Easter and didn’t want any perceived spiritual experience manipulated by a painkiller (I consider Excedrin to be a painkiller). I have not been taking it for a long time because it is addicting to me. But it has helped me get through some of the more difficult days lately.
Again, I loved the music. I felt happy and at peace. My hip was not bothering me as I sat through the meeting. This young woman got up to speak. I don’t know her, she is new in the ward. She rehearsed one of the most beautiful Easter talks I have ever heard as she told a story about her and her husband being pregnant with twins and having them born prematurely at 26 weeks. She talked about walking with God through the trial of having one of those babies pass a few days after birth. So much of what she said was beautifully interwoven with the atonement of Jesus Christ. My goodness, I have not cried like that in some time. There were so many tears a single wipe at my face just spreading them. My heart ached for her and her husband.
The talk caused me to reflect on another ward member. About a year ago we had another young couple experience the premature death of a child. In this case, the baby was carried full-term and just before being born died and was delivered stillborn. I don’t know this couple either. I had seen her at church with her large tummy. You knew the baby was due at any time. Then we heard the news of the stillborn death. I felt somewhat drawn to their experience because every time I looked at the husband, he reminded me of old photos of my father when he was young. My father was in the Air Force and wore a mustache almost identical to this young man. For whatever reason, I could imagine them being a young family like my parents. I was so incredibly sad when I heard the news of their baby passing. I have watched them since that time and have seen that they are incredibly gentle and kind people. I have wanted to go up and hug them and weep with them. But, that is hard when you don’t personally know them, and I have not wanted to dredge up the past. So, I have not done so.
I’m not much of a hugger. I love to hug my wife and kids a lot. But hugging anyone outside of my family for than a bro-hug is awkward. I am super hesitant. Hugging another woman, I’m even more hesitant. But sometimes I feel this deep compassion for people and want to embrace them. I don’t. I end up giving them my broken heart and my prayers. I could do better at this.
This reminds me of two neighbors from my old ward. I love these families. There are not many better people on this earth than them. One had a son die by suicide and one had a son die by drug overdose. Two sons, both in the primes of their lives. Both were incredibly handsome and talented. But, both were harboring demons that led to their deaths. Most of the men in our ward at the time were within 10 years of age of each of their sons and I always felt that as a result, they had so many sons that loved them, they could in some small way stand in to take their place.
I still remember on so many occasions feeling this random desire to hug them and tell them I cared and that part of me that doesn’t like to hug along with that part of me that says I don’t want to open deep wounds makes me not do it. Maybe at some point in my life, I can overcome this reluctance to hug and share my compassion.
I wanted to step back and talk about the two young couples in my current ward and the death of a child.
Being a young married couple is so hard. There is this hunger you have to bring children into your family. I’m in my fifties now. I have gone through my own family’s struggle with infertility and growing our young family. I have also seen so many families go through the same struggle. I’ve learned that there are so many struggles and they are all different. Surprisingly a high number of families struggle to have children and the reasons they struggle are complex. I’ve seen families go through the struggle of being barren, miscarriage, stillborn, and even their young precious children pass away. Talk about devastating.
I have also seen heavenly father mend those broken hearts. He can do it. I remember my own struggle with being childless and the promise that came to me one day. I often think of that promise when I hear of others suffering through this point in life. Honestly in most cases, at some point, the Lord tends to have mercy on us and releases those blessings. When we receive them, they are more precious than gems.
3 Nephi 22:11-13
11 O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted! Behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colors, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
12 And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
13 And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
I hope all have peace this Easter season. I hope that all the broken hearts are mended. I hope the blessings of the Lord are upon all.