I was sitting in the adult session of stake conference last night. I’m not always excited about going to one more meeting and that meeting being Saturday evening. But, my neighbor the tech guru who manages the remote broadcasts for the stake needed help testing the system so I volunteered to help. My job was to watch the broadcast and make sure it streamed seamlessly as a test run for Sunday. It did.
My wife and kids went with me. We listened to the talks and they had a guitarist play a song. That isn’t common. I didn’t catch the name, but I did some searching online and think it is Brick WIlliams. He doesn’t have a lot of material online, but it looks just like him and he played the guitar super well.
Anyhow, to my point. The very last talk was the stake president. He talked about marriage. President Arnold, the Stake President, is a very good man. He talked about marriage, and fidelity in marriage. There was one thing he said that struck a chord with me. I apologize, I don’t remember the exact wording of what he said. It was related to social media and looking at or engaging with the opposite sex in ways that compromise your marriage covenant. The first thing that came to mind was the scripture about “looking upon a woman to lust”.
If you get down to the nuts and bolts of things. God knows the heart and the mind. They are the most secret part of our body. They hold the truth of all our thoughts, desires, and actions. God knows the heart. He knows what you secretly desire. He knows what you secretly engage in. He knows the reasons why. So to look on a woman to lust, he knows what you thought when you saw her. He knows if you looked way. He knows if you ogled her. He knows if you opened a door in your heart or your mind when you should have kept it shut.
I have a friend who recently announced he was getting divorced on social media. He felt he needed to get on Facebook and go through a lengthy explanation of why. Intermingled in there was talk of an emotional affair he had on Facebook with another person. He also detailed their leaving the church along with a denial that either could have contributed to the divorce.
I don’t know a lot about their personal lives or marriage as we had not seen each other in years and I don’t want to make judgements. But I think we often become so complacent that we deny the reality and power of those things. If you open yourself up to some sort of emotional or physical fulfillment outside of your marriage it can lead to problems. I believe religion gives us the moral foundation and understanding to keep those doors closed.
I don’t claim to be innocent therefore I need to preach repentance. I’m not. I have had my own struggles with his over the years. This may be why the brief statement by President Arnold stuck with me. I think that social media has created a trap that could draw in any person. Even the most faithful and pure individual could be deceived and fall as a result of letting down their guard. All it takes is cracking the door, leaving it partially ajar, and those things creep in.
I know my weaknesses and I have felt those issues creep into my life every once in a while. There was a time in my life when I was “social media friends” with a lot of women. I never did anything wrong but I felt myself becoming emotionally drawn to a few other women. I was having a conversation with my bishop about it because I noticed it and something about it didn’t feel right to me (I was not repenting, I had not done anything wrong, I was his executive secretary). I don’t remember the exact words, but he said: have you ever thought about just unfriending all of the women on social media? It struck a chord with me. I struggled with the decision because I knew I would walk away from some friendships I wanted to keep. After a lot of prayer, I did. I unfriended everyone except my family. Then I started a new Facebook page with my wife.
We have shared a facebook account for years now. I’ve been ridiculed a few times by people wondering if I did something wrong. I’ve been accused of having had an affair and not being trusted, but no. That isn’t the case. The result has been, I don’t feel I need to hide anything from my wife. All these conversations I had online with other women in the past don’t happen when my wife shares the account with me. For some reason, they aren’t interested in talking to me anymore.
A few years back I witnessed a major train wreck related to infidelity. I’m going to try to share this carefully. There were multiple layers to this story. For some reason, I feel there are parts of this I should not share here.
There were a number of men who had either an emotional or physical affair with the same married woman in my neighborhood. It broke multiple families. I watched it approaching like a speeding locomotive in the distance. It passed with the force of thunder blowing people off their feet. How did it all happen? Social media and natural human weakness. Opening doors that should have remained closed. Almost all of those involved were solid and faithful members of the church. It didn’t take a falling away from the church for mistakes to happen. It just took opening doors that should have remained closed.
As I have continued my journey to be worthy of Zion, I have been more mindful of things. The things that cause me to feel weakness. The things I know will crack the door to my weaknesses. I still have a long road to travel. But, the constant nourishment by the word of God gives me strength. The church gives me strength.
Ephesians 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be aone flesh.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
I think that “Without Blemish” is the biggest point. Standing before God without blemish. How is that done? By always keeping your guard up and never cracking the door.
If the door is cracked every time you get on Facebook. Stop getting on Facebook, or start to share an account with your wife. I have no doubt my Stake President brought up social media because it is opening the door to infidelity with numerous people in the stake.
Keep the door closed. Be faithful to your spouse. Make your goal to stand before God without the blemish of infidelity upon you.