My circle of influence has recently put me face to face with someone battling alcoholism combined with a pretty traumatic family event where someone died. I’m going to call him Bob. At first, I was sad about what happened. Then I realized this person (Bob) was in a very vulnerable place with a very vulnerable history.
The natural man in me honestly didn’t want to get involved in Bob’s life. But something told me I should ask. I should be frank about Bob’s alcoholism and this traumatic event. I should encourage Bob to be strong. I should be a sounding board for Bob and let him talk through this. In a sense be a friend or mentor he can talk to if he needs to.
I have lived long enough to realize that people numb themselves with drugs and alcohol. It may release the pain, fear, and anxiety for a time, but the only way to truly deal with life is by facing it head-on. The answer is not to avoid it. Even a moment of weakness can cause them to fall. If it is easy to fall in a moment of weakness, how easy is it to fall when faced with true genuine extreme trauma?
I attended an Addiction Recovery program once with my brother-in-law who is a recovering alcoholic. It was an interesting experience. I know these programs work over time. Ultimately someone has to be willing to fix themself. It is possible to get your head in the right place through a program like this. I think the greatest benefit is those who are facing the same challenges working together to lift and encourage one another. And having someone to talk to.
LDS Addiction Recovery Link: Help for Individuals (churchofjesuschrist.org)
I was a drug addict in my youth and quit everything after having a “coming to Jesus moment”. In that moment, I felt I was told by the Holy Ghost what I needed to do to recover. Here is the list…
- Leave that environment and never go back
- Leave those friends and never go back
- Cut off my hair (it was long)
- Start to read the scriptures and pray
- Go to church and talk to a bishop
It’s not a hard list. But, it took a great deal of humility to do those things. Leaving the environment and friends I knew would mean I would have NO ONE in my life. I would be lonely. And that is what took place. Cutting off my hair, changing my appearance, showing up at church… EVERYONE knew I was a dirtbag and a VERY BAD influence. It took a great deal of humility and change to truly change. I truly needed to want to change to do those things.
In the middle of changing, there are always roadblocks, challenges, and obstacles that you need to overcome. It is never a straight and easy path. Well, the path may be straight, but nobody’s journey down that path is without its obstacles and challenges. You need to be prepared.
So I’m chatting with Bob. I’m asking Bob how he is doing. He says he is doing OK. My first thought was, that is exactly what I would say when I wasn’t really doing OK. Isn’t that our nature, to brush off the question with a simple “I’m surviving” answer? Then at that moment, I realized if he was brushing off the question as I would, this could be a greater challenge than he can bear. I asked; Bob, do you have someone to talk to?
You know, I have had so many neighbors, family, and friends who have lost loved ones to accidents, overdoses, and suicide. My heart aches for them. So much so, that I have never known what to say or how to act. I want to just hug them and share their pain. I know as soon as I open my mouth I will be a buffoon and say the wrong thing, but my heart feels the right thing. It mourns with them for their loss. There are just those times you hurt because you know they hurt. That is so hard for me to sincerely express.
To be honest, in the past, have truly failed in these situations. I’m going to try not to fail this time and do better in the future.
NOTE: I know there are lots of forms of addiction including drugs, alcohol, food, pornography, and many others. If you struggle with any form of addiction, be humble and ask for help. It is possible to overcome. One great resource is the Addiction Recovery Program sponsored by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.