I woke up this morning thinking about my friend Steve McIntosh. Here is a photo; Steve is on the left, then Chris Lewis, Kevin (I forgot his last name), me (Michael), with Ben Thomas on the Right. This was taken before my mission, so maybe around 1993 or 1994. And I can tell it is in Kim Curtis’ basement where we would have these “Friendly Night” gatherings.
After my personal conversion, I was very lonely. Then one day out of the blue Chris Lewis and Steve McIntosh called me. They said they had likewise left that life behind and asked if I wanted to hang out. The first night we hung out was the night I met Kim Curtis who I talked about in other posts.
I first met Steve when I was a sophomore or junior in High School. He was this crazy cool kid who sang in a local band and seemed to be liked by everyone. The kid had a wild sense of humor; you could always count on him to be funny, spontaneous, crude, and rude. How could you not like him? He was a way crazy but gushing with charisma at the same time. Our paths crossed a few times through the years; to say it more appropriately we partied together here and there over the years because that is what we did. That lifestyle was about who you partied with, where you partied, and how wasted you were when you partied. But we don’t need to go there.
It’s been so long I don’t remember every detail. I remember the time Chris and Steve called me and we started hanging out. We had all cleaned up our lives. We were all looking for a better life and a support group. We all clung to each other as friends. We spent most days with each other for what must have been a year or two. Ben joined us a few months later. I’m going somewhere here with Steve, but taking a long time getting there. I do want to add, when you got to know Steve he was an incredibly kind, caring, and thoughtful soul. I just think he didn’t have enough confidence or trust in himself. Clearly, the demons were too strong for him to keep resisting.
I remember shortly after going on my mission, I heard that Steve and Chris fell off the wagon. They got a pad together. They started having parties, drinking, etc… and that was it. For the next few years, it was a tug of war with both of them. They would continually pick themselves up and then fall again. Steve moved up to Logan and started a family Monica. And they had a child. As the years went on we lost contact. I found out he had a few other children. Then as my life consumed me I almost forgot about him other than an occasional thought.
I remember Chris calling me one day telling me that Steve had passed away. We were about the same age, so he must have died at about 45. I went and found his obituary and included it below, it looks like he was born in 1973 and died in 2018 so he was 45 years old. Anyhow, I went to the funeral for Steve.
The funeral was different. There were family. People from his past and current life. It was very loose and informal given Steve and his nature. They cremated him and had his ashes in a motorcycle fuel tank. At the end of the ceremony, they spread his ashes under a tree. It was that simple.
This photo was taken on a trip to see Dave Haskin’s in California. I’m on the left, Steve McIntosh, Randy Akers, Chris Lewis, and Chuch Greenwalt in on the right.
Steve is on the back left, then Randy Akers, me, Kim Curtis, Dave Haskin, Becca Sutton (Anderton) is on the right, and Chris Lewis is in the front.
Anyhow, my purpose wasn’t to write what a great guy Steve was. Obviously, Steve was very flawed. He lived a turbulent life with ups and down. The last experience I had with Steve was sitting at his funeral service. Listening to his kids get up and talk about their dad. This is where I was going and I woke up thinking about it. I just thought some backstory would help you get to know Steve a little before I shared it.
I remember his youngest child standing up, almost as though he was forced to. He must have been in his late teens. He bluntly said I don’t know what to say. I didn’t know my dad. It was one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever heard. I know this kid isn’t alone, there are many kids that expereince this. My heart just broke for him as he explained that even though he saw his dad a few times, it was never enough to get to know him. To know who he was. He explained that he had a hard time feeling bad for someone he never really knew. As much as I love Steve as a person. I can’t help but call him a fool for not being a part of this kid’s life.
As I listened to Steve’s child, I realized I never wanted to be that type of man. I want my children around to teach them and help them. I want them to be successful in life. I want them to know me and have good life experiences and memories with me. I want to be part of who they are. I also feel a great responsibility to raise them to be decent people.
As a family, we talked about me taking a job at one point that would require me to travel 1 to 3 weeks a month. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to miss that much of my children’s lives. I didn’t want to miss every bedtime, meal time, and every success in their lives. As I point this out, I realize I am not without my own flaws. But, this experience hit me and has stuck with me all this time. And, even now, almost 6 years later Steve’s missed experiences and opportunities are devastatingly tragic to my heart.
Stephen Mcintosh
June 11, 1973 — July 31, 2018
Lawrence Stephen McIntosh passed away on July 31st, 2018 in Salt Lake City.
He was born June 11th, 1973 in Columbus, Georgia to Pamela and Larry Lewis. Pamela later married Richard McIntosh.
Stephen grew up and attended high school in Pleasant Grove, Utah. He was a singer and a self-taught musician and played for several years with his popular local band, Stadium Jug. He was known for his wild stage antics including dressing up in a giant bee costume. He enjoyed parties with his friends, trips to the southern Utah desert, riding motorcycles, reading, philosophy, music, working on computers, discussing social issues, and making his friends and family laugh by doing and saying the most shocking things possible.
He married Monica Eichler in Pleasant Grove, Utah, August 24th, 1996. They had three children together: Willow, Jude and Gage. He was later married to Rachel Fox. They later divorced.
He graduated from Stevens-Henager College in 2014 with a Bachelors degree in Computer Science and was most recently employed as an R&D Engineering Technician at Bard Access Systems.
Stephen was wild and irreverent and never took the expected paths. But he was an endless source of laughter to everyone who knew him, and beneath his awesome tattoos and piercings, was the most tender and sincere heart you’d ever hope to know. He cared deeply about others, and about justice and peace in the world. He always said the best days of his life were raising his children when they were babies. Words cannot express how much he will be missed, but the memories and the laughter will never die.
Stephen is survived by his remarkable children, Willow Eichler, and Jude and Gage McIntosh. His parents, Richard and Pamela McIntosh. His siblings, Tammy McIntosh Bailey, Natasha Westhoff (sp. Tyler), Brandon McIntosh (sp. April), Clint McIntosh (sp. Melanie) and Rachel Demunbrun (sp.David) as well as his very beloved nieces and nephews: Savannah, Taylor, Lion, McKaden, McKinley, McKeon, Ashton, Aiden, Jesse, Quinlin, Quay and Qai. As well as his aunt Arlene Jones and cousins April Jeffery and Jeremy Massicotte. And his uncle Gary Adkins and cousin Taylor Brown.
His memorial service will be held on Saturday, August 11th, 2018 at Memorial Mountain View Mortuary at 11 am. 3115 East 7800 South, Cottonwood Heights, UT 84121. A visitation will be held one hour prior to the services. All are welcome to pay their respects.