This blog is about my spiritual quest to be “Worthy of Zion.” I have taken the liberty to talk about a few other things, some doctrinal and some reviews. Honestly, I’m not a huge reader. So, if I can watch or listen that is a big plus. I have really enjoyed a few things lately. It’s not so much that I think any one of them are right, more than I really like the topics and the way they present them.
- Hello Saints with Pastor Jeff
- Cwic Media with Greg Madsen
- Stick of Joseph with the Paul brothers
- Morgan Philpot
- Rod Meldrum
- The Pickerings
- Michael Rush
So, how have I done? I’ve spent some time digging into subjects I enjoy. My mind has been excited about the upcoming eclipse and upcoming election. What will we see? Will we see another sign of the end of times? There is a part of me that thinks our faith with be confirmed by miraculous events, but the greatest events may not be seen until 2029 to 2030. I have long held the belief that after the 1/2 hour of silence in 2020 we would see the events of the second coming unfold. I actually thought they would unfold faster than they have. What that proves is that I really don’t know anything. But I still like the subject. I will watch, wait, and be ready.
So, I have spent time learning. I have also spent time being a father and a husband. What can I say about this. Life is full of challenges. I have had challenges with my wife and each of my children over the last month since I did an update. There have been small crisis’s of faith, there have been personal challenges, and there have been health struggles. On the flip side of the coin, there have been successes, achievements, improvements, faith has grown, and heath has improved.
I was going to write more about a few things but thought I should hold off for now. But let me say, we have our share of challenges and achievements. In some cases, our faith has grown.
So, me personally. I’m probably hardest on myself. I have a tendency to see how blessed everyone else is, but internally see all my flaws. I try not to let those flaws make me feel unworthy. I continually pray and repent. I have this idea in my mind that one day in the future I will stand before God and not be perfect. I can see myself falling to my knees and begging for forgiveness with my heart being full of a desire to be forgiven by my Savior and invited to return to God or Father.
Knowing I am not perfect, I don’t beat myself up. I don’t fill my mind with self-doubt or negative self-talk. I have said, Michael, what were you thinking? It’s kind of funny, I do talk to myself. But don’t tell myself I’m anything bad or irredeemable. I have made far worse mistakes in life and found myself on the path of redemption.
How did I do. I did OK. I can always do better. At least, I can see areas where I can personally improve.
A small thought. I’m not sure exactly how to say this, but I will do my best. I had an experience almost 30 years ago that brought me out of darkness into light. I heard what I felt was an angel tell me that if I did not change, I would die. The thought has crept into my mind on occasion as recently as yesterday that I should seek to have that visitation reconfirmed. I should seek to have that angel or spirit speak to me once more to confirm the experience I had. As I started to dwell on this idea, I thought, do I really need that? On one hand the experience was profound enough it caused me to change in whiplash fashion from darkness unto light. I don’t need to detail how bad I was, but I was very bad. Since that day, I have felt the spirit more times than I can count. I have had dreams and other personal revelations. I have felt the hand of God influencing my life. Why would I need another confirmation of that day and that experience? My life is a witness that that happened.
It is likely that Satan wants to sow seeds of doubt into my mind. Can something happen too far back that we forget? I have seen enough people fall away from the church that I know it is possible. I probably bring this up too much, but it was the perfect metaphor. There was a talk by President Monson on Hidden Wedges. Here is the story:
“The story of the iron wedge began years ago when the white-haired farmer [who now inhabited the property on which it stood] was a lad on his father’s homestead. The sawmill had then only recently been moved from the valley, and the settlers were still finding tools and odd pieces of equipment scattered about. …
“On this particular day, it was a faller’s wedge—wide, flat, and heavy, a foot or more long, and splayed from mighty poundings [—which the lad found] … in the south pasture. [A faller’s wedge, used to help fell a tree, is inserted in a cut made by a saw and then struck with a sledge hammer to widen the cut.] … Because he was already late for dinner, the lad laid the wedge … between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He would take the wedge to the shed right after dinner, or sometime when he was going that way.
“He truly meant to, but he never did. [The wedge] was there between the limbs, a little tight, when he attained his manhood. It was there, now firmly gripped, when he married and took over his father’s farm. It was half grown over on the day the threshing crew ate dinner under the tree. … Grown in and healed over, the wedge was still in the tree the winter the ice storm came.
“In the chill silence of that wintry night … one of the three major limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud tree remained.
“Early the next morning, the farmer went out to mourn his loss. …
“Then, his eyes caught sight of something in the splintered ruin. ‘The wedge,’ he muttered reproachfully. ‘The wedge I found in the south pasture.’ A glance told him why the tree had fallen. Growing, edge-up in the trunk, the wedge had prevented the limb fibers from knitting together as they should.”
I guess my point is, I understand that a thought like expecting another confirmation of something that happened in the past, could be a wedge. This confirmation should never be necessary. I still know doubts are wedges. This is why it is so important to stay on the covenant path. I think that is also why this path to be worthy of Zion is so important for me.
D&C 6:22-23
22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.
23 Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?
I know God lives.
Image used without permission from https://www.melanieslibrary.com/hidden-wedges/