May 28, 1996 (Manhattan Day)
I had been out and around Manhattan all day. When I went back to meet my comp in Time Square an Elder told me a girl, a nanny from Connecticut was looking for me and she was just there. She was now up the street so I ran up the street. I went up the street I saw a little crowd of girls and Lisa, Matt Johnson’s girlfriend was there. She remembered I was in New York and looked for me. Of all the days we ended up in Manhattan on the same day. What a blessing. She was even at my farewell. Wow.
We went with Elders [6 of us], and a sister, who is a branch missionary from Midwood named Carlina. She’s cool. We went to the Bronx Zoo and waited in lines forever. We saw lots of cool animals and it was nice to be out of the city. The girl that was with us, she was beautiful. Wow. So I kept my distance not to get too familiar. She made me feel uneasy when she was around. So, when we went back to the city we broke off from her and the other Elders. One sad thing was the boys (Elders) kept talking about sick things in front of her. Oh, it was embarrassing a few times. She didn’t like it either. We went to the Emprise State Building and tried to get stuff from a member who works there, but we were very unsuccessful. Then went to Sony Wonders. That was cool. They had a lot of hi-tech stuff you could play with. We had to leave. I spent a whole $10. I got nothing but a postcard.
May 31, 1996
Yesterday I went on splits with Elder Hoelzer. Today we baptized Desiree Manuel and Fatima’s little sister. It was way cool. A day of loco things splits, and a baptism. It was so awesome. Last day of the month, way cood. That’s 3 baptisms. Lot’s better than the 3 months before. We’ll see what happens Monday for transfers.
Why can’t I just live like Christ? My life feels so laden with sin, it’s nuts. My flesh is so stubborn and won’t stand strong. I feel I’m bent backward and can’t get back up. My load is so burdensome. How can I truly repent when I continually falter? I can’t seem to make the mental decisions to resist, to recognize, and refrain.
President Bailey shared my experience. I didn’t like President Bailey talking about it in front of everyone. Maybe it is just my pride? I know I’ve always hated recognition. Like with my family at home. I can’t get all upset if they talked about things I did.
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This is interesting. At this point, I can’t remember President Bailey talking about my past.
“My experience” is most likely in reference to my conversion. I kept it such a safeguarded secret back then. I was so embarrassed by it for so many years. I didn’t want anyone to know I did those things.
At this point in my life, I’m glad that President Bailey shared it. Hopefully some good came of it. I try to share it today freely, hoping some good came of it.
There are some parts of my past that still sicken and embarrass me. But, I told God I would share it. So, I grin and bear (share) it.
As for the elders saying sick things. Honestly, they shouldn’t, but they did on occasion. Some missionaries more or less than others. It was really easy at times to tell which missionaries were the most spiritual. Which missionaries were the most political. Which ones were full of love. Which were full of faith love and hope. Which were the hardest workers. Which didn’t have a testimony. Which saw the mission as a process or puzzle to solve. Which missionaries followed the spirit. And which ones were filled with evil.