It’s actually the middle of a week, not the end of a week. Either way, it has been a few weeks since I have done an analysis of my path to Zion. Honestly, I don’t feel any closer. The last week or two has been tough. I don’t think there has been a part of my life that hasn’t been difficult.
I wish I could say the stars had aligned and everything in life was working in my favor. But as life goes, it seems more like a frequency wave going up and down, up and down. The highs are awesome, the lows are sometimes dreadful. I wish it was just smooth sailing, a nice simple straight path. I wish I was constant. I started to say as a… ? a rock, a lighthouse, the sun, the moon…
It seems a rock or a stone is most suitable. I didn’t expect to go this route, but have you ever heard the song, “Stones in the River” By Doug Walker? The chorus of the song is the point:
Like stones in the river
We are tossed and turned
When the current moves so strong
But stones in living waters over time
Are shaped until the edges are gone
Polished and smooth, that’s what we will be
If we put ourselves in god’s hands
Each day of our lives is a gift from the giver
To smooth all the edges
Like stones in the river
I feel a bit like that this week. A stone in the river, being shaped in a river. I can’t see the finished stone. All I know is it is difficult getting there. I’ve made a lifetime of choices and many difficulties are not remedied overnight.
Well, I felt weak and vulnerable the last two week. I didn’t fast at all until yesterday. I woke up in the morning completely intent on eating because I was hungry. I also had a headache. As I was getting my socks out of my drawer, I thought I should fast. I thought to myself, was that a prompting or a thought because I have continually been thinking about fasting. I wasn’t sure. I went out to the kitchen to get food and as soon as I opened the refrigerator door, I thought again about fasting. I really didn’t want to. But I did. I went into my room knelt down and prayed, asking for strength and began a fast.
I was pretty miserable all day, but the day seemed to move smoothly. My head hurt most of the morning. I took time as I sat at my desk massaging the back of my neck, by the early afternoon my headache had gone away. I prayed off and on throughout the day. I wasn’t looking for revelation, more than I was just looking for strength to be obedient. To have power over the flesh.
I just about said my greatest weakness is this body, my flesh, my mind. But isn’t that everyone’s greatest weakness. The whole purpose of this life is to gain power over the flesh. To be humble and submissive to the will of God. The nature of man is to be carnal sensual and devilish. Turning our hearts and minds over to God, through Jesus Christ is how we overcome the desires of the flesh.
I had not realized it until I was reading the book “Journey to the Veil”, that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, Christ is able to purge those desires from our hearts and minds, so they become undesirable and bitter to us. So, they appear appalling to us. I might have been one who just always asked for help overcoming and took baby steps getting there. Not one who pleaded for the very desire to be purged from my soul.
Anyhow, that was how I would summarize my path to Zion for the last few weeks.