As I have been reading my mission journals, I have come across many instances where I kept my past a secret. I’m not 100% sure what it was. The desire could have been from embarrassment or a feeling as though it was not appropriate. I was extremely embarrassed around peers. I never wanted to explain why I was so far behind everyone else.
There is a Pink Floyd song called Time. One line in the song says:
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun
I felt like the fool who had lost that time. Time to move forward with life. Time to grow. Time to develop. Time to learn. Time to become something. And in fact, I almost gave all my time away.
I don’t remember the year, but it must have been between 1993 and 2003; I had fallen asleep one night. I still remember elements of the dream vividly. I was up on a cliff. I lost my footing and fell. It was a tall sheer cliff and I was falling thousands of feet to my death. Shortly before hitting the ground, I yelled; “If you save me, I will tell my story!”
Instantly I woke up. My heart was beating. I was sweating. I sat up in bed and I was bewildered. Why did I say that? In my mind I was thinking, that does not sound like a normal phrase someone would say when they are about to meet their complete demise.
I thought about it. I prayed about it. I came to the conclusion that indeed; it was time for me to start telling my story. I told heavenly father I would share my story whenever opportunity permitted. And I have. I have shared it at work, with coworkers. I have shared it in church. I have shared it with family and friends.
I don’t do it to boast. There is nothing to boast about. I was a fool. I was lucky I did not die. I share it openly and frankly because I told God in a dream as I was falling to my death that I would share it. If he would only let me live.