April 1, 1996
Guess what? It’s April Fool’s Day and no practical jokes were played thank goodness. It did rain thank goodness. I must be out of my mind to say thank goodness. I meant to say all day long. Just pouring man. If Utah got rain like that, we would never have a drought, of course, we’d have a flood. It’s a lot of water (fascinating) the sidewalks and roads and gutters were rivers and lakes. Deep ones. So, the first part of the day was so bad we came home for dinner, and I made brownies before we left. We each ate ½ a pan. I made 2 pans to cheer us up and it did. We went back out and taught 2 discussions and visited a cool member name Else who lives on Jamaica Ave. My soul has felt weak I’m trying to be strong with all the stuff in my mind. I talked to President Bailey the other day and he said not a lot of people go through what I have even in their entire life and so I must know the memories will always be there. I just must always make them persuade me to be stronger and I know with God I will. Maybe that’s what my battle was supposed to be the last few months was this with my mind.
April 3, 1996
Wow, what a day I just read all day, and my comp cleaned. He talked me into mopping the floor. I used a string mom and had to ring it out with my hands. Grose.
April 6, 1996
This is the day the church was organized, it’s so cool. I’m so excited for the conference. I didn’t
April 7, 1996
Wow, what a day, conference was so good. So many cool people were there, wow. I can’t believe I’m a part of something so glorious as this church. The talks were inspiring and wow, the crowd that was there was so big the place was so packed, English, Spanish, and Korean.
April 8, 1996 (Monday)
Holy Cow, I was called as a trainer, some guy named Elder. Crazy, and kind of scary. Am I going to be able to perform?
April 9, 1996 (Tuesday)
Coming up fast, they still want to train I guess. It hasn’t changed.
April 10, 1996 (Wednesday)
Well, it’s here! I’m very nervous and trying to do my best. He’s from (Native Spanish Speaker). taller than me, and went to (Graduated from College)
April 11, 1996
He’s a nice guy. He was (Graduated from College) so feel’s he is very capable and very confident. I’ve gotten a little upset because every time I fearless someone, he cuts in. So, I just back off and let him finish. It’s as though he feels I’m not capable of doing anything. I’m trying very hard to be patient. He’s also (Graduated from College). He majored in psychology and is trying to analyze everything I do. I can’t talk the language well so he takes right over and does whatever he feels like. I have gotten so I tell him not to talk too much. He shares too much, rather than keeping it simple. I warn him and tell him the ropes. He’ll get used to it. He’ll get more used to it when I have to get after him for saying something wrong. Man in some ways, he’s so much like I was when I came out. He corrects my Spanish. Interjecting while I speak correcting my words so I’ll learn. I left him a few times today when he cut in on my fearless to go fearless someone else. It was kinda crazy. He freaked. I did too when my companion left me when I first came out. Boy, how I’ve changed. Wow, it is crazy. So training is not so bad but I see why it’s so hard for some people. We sat at home and called people so his feet could rest. I mean, the boy can hardly walk. His feet hurt so bad. We walked slowly. I felt bad, but he was trying. He used the commitment pattern stuff on me. Follow-up questions what’s it all about? Oh, the new area is cold but we’re going to start out with the basics.
This is was the beginning of one of the hardest times on my mission. By the end of this training period, I was in such an unbelievable rut I almost couldn’t perform missionary work.
I could analyze this introspectively and say some of it was justified and some of it was not. I can see some of my greatest weaknesses rise to the surface. Pride, I was unable to see. Bitterness, I didn’t know I could harbor. It took multiple companions and a change of scenery to put it behind me. Yet, I harbored some hate for this elder for years afterward. Justified or not, probably more not justified, I could have done better.
A few years ago I sought him out and wrote him apologizing for my actions and harboring these bad feelings.
April 13, 1996 (Saturday)
Wow, the month is flying by. My birthday is in 12 days. We had a street meeting today and it was something else. Today was also a mini-mission too. We took a young member of the branch with us. She was so cool we walked her a lot. First, we were out and all our appointments juked. So we looked up referrals and nobody was home. So we spirit-tracked and nobody was home or interested. So, then it was time for the street meeting, and it was hoping. We had 8 missionaries and 5 kids with us. They were on fire (the kids) and so were we. A couple Hebrew Israelites tried to contend with us and tell us Jesus Christ is white, and it got bad first he came up to me. “Why you trying to destroy my people?” I said, “I’m not, I’m trying to help them.” he said, “Then why are you showing a picture of a white Jesus Christ?” “Are you saying we’re still in oppression and always will be?” “We were in oppression for 400 years by you.” I said, “Not by me, I love your people.” So, he said, “Yes right, that’s why you have this picture.” I told him, “So you’re going to let the thought of Jesus Christ being white keep you out for the Kingdom of Heaven?” he said, “Yes” He laughed believing my words not to be true and then they picked on the Book of Mormon and say it’s “adding to the bible”. Little do they know. Then they started pulling in others to contend with the missionary who was contending with them. My hey wanted to strike bitterness and contention. My testimony turned to the scripture “A bible! A bible!” as I declared in their ears the prophecy of the last days, their iniquities, and that they needed to be baptized and it was as though they noticed, and the spirit and angles were working them. People stopped and listened standing in amazement, so it seemed. And all I felt was the power of God with confidence. I bore testimony boldly then later President Bailey prophesied people would hear even though they look as though they try not to. And people will see the aura about you and your testimony will sink into their souls. They’ll awake at night and it will be in their minds and they will remember it. I know the power of this. It happened today all these things I felt them from the people as I stood testifying. Wow, if the people only realized how much we do love them.