Written on Facebook November 26, 2020
#GiveThanks – I’m grateful for my sins. For without them, I may have never come to know God.
As many of you know I was once lost.
I found myself standing on my friend Ryan’s porch one day. (May 31, 1994) It was one of those pivotal points in my life where I was about to make a decision that would change my life forever.
You see, I was a drug addict and until that day I had resisted some of the harder drugs my friends were using. We were planning on going to a rave that night and I had made a decision to finally try these drugs knowing very well they could change my life forever. But at that moment I really didn’t care.
A strange event had taken place earlier that day and we were all very surprised by it. A microburst had come through Utah valley causing all sorts of damage.
As we stood on Ryan’s porch marveling at what we had seen on our drive through town, Ryan said to me, guess what happen yesterday? He then told me the prophet of the Mormon Church had died. No sooner than he spoke those words I felt my self seized by a power I could feel but not see. I remember my gaze was into the sky above Mount Timpanogos. As I stood there unable to move, I heard a voice speak to me, and it said, “if you do not change you will die.”
Interestingly up until this point, I was never able to comprehend the idea of there being a God. It didn’t make sense, I couldn’t see how it was possible. Yet I felt this physical power and physically heard a voice from a being I could not see speak to me.
I told my friend Ryan I needed to leave.
On my way home, my mind was filled with the things I needed to do if I really wanted to change.
– I needed to cut my hair (it was really long)
– Read the scriptures
– Pray
– Leave all my friends behind
– Never return to any of the locations I would frequent or hang out.
– Repent
As I did these things, I remember being surprised at the feelings I felt. I remember learning what the Holy Ghost felt like and being surprised by how natural and strong the feeling could be when you actually listened and heard. Over time I came to know God and feel his redeeming power.
There were many good people who helped me along the way, along with a very good group of friends I was lead to and who truly made a difference in my life (Kim, Becca, Amy, Ben, Steve, Chris, Randy, Martin, Dave).
I have often wished I had never taken that journey. There have been things haunt me over and over from those days. But I #GiveThanks that though I was lost, God opened my eyes that I might see. And even though the journey has not been perfect, my sins lead me to Him.
Now to bring the story full circle.
I was able to serve a mission (what a blessing). Graduate from college. Get married in the temple.
Basically, grow up. I remember I had subscribed to the newspaper because that is what informed grownups do.
One day I was reading in the newspaper and I came across a story about a man who had died in a house fire. It’s always tragic to read stories like this, but something told me to read this one. It was a sad story about a home that had caught fire and the occupant was unable to escape the flames and died as a result.
As I read the story, I came across the name of the boy I had been standing on the porch with that day, Ryan Brammer. The one who spoke the words that were a catalyst to that life changing event I experienced. When I read his name an overwhelming feeling came upon me. The Holy Ghost testified to me, that had I not changed that day, I would have died before that very day.
Ryan died on 12/01/02. It’s been 18 years since that day.
I should add: I truly thankful for Nicole. She has always looked beyond my weaknesses and seen me as I am; not as I was. 